By: Saige Wilde As I have gotten older and look back on my life, I am able to see how important it was for me to see myself reflected in my community as well as in the media. I was very fortunate to grow up surrounded by many fellow adoptees around my age, and they are still my friends to this day. That was very valuable to me because adoption was able to be so normalized to me. In my mind, it was simply another way that families were created because I saw the same family dynamic I had at home in other families I encountered everyday, especially because a lot of them were transracial adoptions. I never felt odd about it and was comfortable knowing that if I told someone I was adopted they would understand. Having friends that looked like me was also very valuable growing up because I never felt self-conscious in the way that I looked. When we would all hang out, I never felt like I stood out or would be made fun of for the way that I looked. While the rest of country is not Asian, the core group of people I grew up with were and it helped me to be comfortable in my own skin. However being at college, the demographic is much different and meeting someone who is adopted is not as common. That was definitely an adjustment for me and I feel more self conscious bringing it up because I never know how people will react about it. That is why I am so happy to have fostered that community on campus through our club. We are able to discuss our experiences with others who “get it” in a way that non-adoptees do not understand, such as not knowing the details of your birth. This is especially when it comes to transracial adoption. It is one thing to grow up adopted but another layer of complexity is added when you are not the same ethnicity as your parents. Talking with other adoptees who grow up differently than I did, whether or not you had that community definitely had an impact on how you perceived adoption. Not having that adoption community can feel really isolating because so few people can relate to that experience. It doesn’t matter how “comfortable” you are about your adoption, it is still really important to be around people who understand your experience. You don’t even have to talk about adoption, it just is nice to know that you are not alone. Speaking on a panel at a Chinese adoption camp, I had the opportunity to meet with younger adoptees. Not all of them were open about sharing their experiences, but some of them mentioned that not all of their friends at school understood what adoption really was. This made it difficult for them to bring it up around their friends and a big reason why they liked the camp was because they enjoyed being around similar families to their own and that understood their background. That really stood out to me because I was able to see how growing up surrounded by fellow adoptees really helped me as well. I remember when Kung Fu Panda came out for the first time in theaters. It was incredible to see an adopted family on the big screen where adoption was only a small focus of the whole movie. The subsequent sequels have been very good as well, touching on many issues that adoptees face and displaying Chinese culture so prominently. I really enjoyed watching them because there is not a lot of media portraying adoption and I felt like it helped to bring more awareness about the subject. That was one reason why I liked watching the TV show Modern Family; it also normalized adoption, specifically transracial adoption, for a wide audience. Neither story focuses solely on adoption and makes the adoptee some tragic character, which is important to me because it emphasizes the fact that being adopted does not define the person (or panda) and is a nice reminder to people that families come together in many different ways. I also feel that it helps to break down the stereotypical adoptee experience that is portrayed. It makes me feel more confident going out in the world sharing my experience because that experience is getting more exposure. In the area of social media, I find a lot of content about adoption on YouTube. I like being able to see ordinary families that look like my own, even if much of it is from the parents’ perspective. I try to seek out content from adoptees as much as possible because I can really connect with it. I recently discovered the YouTube channel AGA Productions, which is hosted by two men who were both adopted from Korea. They aren’t afraid to talk about tough subjects but bring a lighthearted approach to it and I have a similar viewpoint as them. I do not personally know adoptees who are adults with their own families and careers so hearing that perspective is invaluable to me. Seeking out content created by adoptees was something I had never thought about until this past year, but I have really appreciated it. Whether it is watching Youtube videos, listening to a podcast, or reading a book, it is always validating to know that my experiences are shared by other adoptees. This is what I found … A significant reason why I believe that growing up around adoptive families was so valuable to me was because it was like having a built in support network. I was always surrounded by children who had similar experiences as me that I could talk to and the same went for the parents as well. There are many adoption services that provide camps and support services for families, ranging from Holt International to local camps hosted by families, similar to the one I have spoken at. In research, this is often categorized as “socialization” and there have been proven benefits to it. According to a study by Lee et al. published in 2018, “Participating in post-adoption support groups, training, and/or education appears to be related to higher engagement in cultural socialization activities among international transracial adoptive families.” Cultural socialization was defined by the study as “parenting practices that incorporate aspects of children's birth culture into their families.” The study also places emphasis on the fact that parents must be involved in the socialization of their child. These results are supported by a separate study conducted by Montgomery et al. in 2011 titled “Racial–Ethnic Socialization and Transracial Adoptee Outcomes: A Systematic Research Synthesis.” The meta-analysis looked at previous research to discover trends in the impacts of racial-ethnic socialization on adoptees. According to the study: Results indicated that healthy adoptee outcomes from parent racial–ethnic socialization included self-esteem when mediated by ethnic identity, psychological well-being when mediated by adoptive identity, and self-esteem when mediated by feelings of belongingness, adoptee delinquency, ethnic identity affirmation related to self-esteem, and adoptee adjustment. (Montgomery et al. 456) What this data is saying is that adoptees had healthy outcomes when their parents socialized them “with their race and/or ethnicity, [encouraged] racial–ethnic pride, and [taught] children about racism and discrimination and how to cope with racial oppression” (Montgomery et al. 440). These healthy outcomes were determined to be self-esteem, psychological well-being, a sense of belongingness and more, not only with their race and ethnicity but with their adoption as well. In terms of media representation, numerous studies have shown that representation has an impact on people’s perceptions of those minorities. A study conducted in 2017 by Dana Mastro, titled “Race and Ethnicity in U.S. Media Content and Effects,” concluded that “consuming the images and messages associated with racial/ethnic groups in the media contributes to the formation, activation, and application of racial/ethnic cognitions.” In addition, different study conducted by Gomillion and Guiliano in 2011 came to a similar conclusion, “[revealing] that media role models serve as sources of pride, inspiration, and comfort” for members of the LGBTQ+ community. We can extrapolate this information and make an educated guess that the increased media representation of adoptive families and their stories will expand people’s ideas on what adoption looks like. This will hopefully educate them on different family dynamics and enable them to have better discussions on the subject. The exposure of seeing others who look like you is extremely valuable for people as they develop and figure out who they are, whether it is in person on in the media. This is especially true for adoptees and plays a significant role in shaping their identity and self-esteem. I am so appreciative of the fact that I grew up in a large adoptive community that gave me a sense of belonging. I encourage everyone out there to seek out fellow members of the adoption community and to foster those relationships; it is a very powerful feeling to know that there are people out there who understand you and what you have experienced. References Gomillion, Sarah C., and Traci A. Giuliano. “The Influence of Media Role Models on Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Identity.” Journal of Homosexuality, vol. 58, no. 3, 22 Feb. 2011, pp. 330–354., doi:10.1080/00918369.2011.546729. Lee, Jaegoo, et al. “A Path Analysis of a Cultural and Racial Socialization Model in International Transracial Adoption: Racial Awareness, Self-Efficacy, and Socialization Practices.” Children and Youth Services Review, vol. 85, 5 Jan. 2018, pp. 333–340., doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2018.01.002. Mastro, Dana. “Race and Ethnicity in U.S. Media Content and Effects.” Oxford Research Encyclopedias, Oxford University Press, 26 Sept. 2017, oxfordre.com/communication/view/10.1093/acrefore/9780190228613.001.0001/acrefore-9780190228613-e-122. Montgomery, Jordan E., and Nickolas A. Jordan. “Racial–Ethnic Socialization and Transracial Adoptee Outcomes: A Systematic Research Synthesis.” Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal, vol. 35, no. 5, 16 Apr. 2018, pp. 439–458., doi:10.1007/s10560-018-0541-9.
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by Iris Hubbard and Saige Wilde “Identity is not something that is fixed. It changes over time and place” (Dwyer and Gidluck 68). While every adoptee is unique and what they might want their parents to do for and with them is going to be different, here are a few things that really resonated with both of us. These come from our own personal experiences growing up as well as the thoughts we have heard from fellow adoptees. This is by no means meant to be taken as fact, but instead we hope it can shed some light on ideas that adoptive parents may or may not have considered yet. Saige’s thoughts: After talking with fellow young adult adoptees, it appears that it is fairly uncommon for there to be a free and open dialogue about adoption in the home. I have had the fortunate opportunity to speak on an Adult Adoptee panel at an adoption camp and after talking to a lot of parents, the impression I have gotten is that it is more common for parents wait until their kids bring up the topic of adoption. This is usually done to avoid pressuring the child. However, being a kid, it can be difficult to even know what to ask about. As a young child, starting a conversation with your parents can seem daunting and feel really awkward. There can be a fear that seeking out answers means that your parents will think that the life they provided you wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t until my teen years that I really began to think more about how my adoption defined who I am as a person. During this time, I was also just trying to figure out who I was in general. Growing up, my mother always made a point to talk openly about adoption with me, and she would even ask me what thoughts I had about my birth parents, and it turns how that I had a lot of say on this matter. I had a complete image in my head of my birth family living in a one bedroom home and where everything was located. Allowing me to express these thoughts in a relaxed way without the pressure of “how are you feeling?” really allowed me to feel comfortable discussing my adoption with my mom and others. Despite all of this, prior to coming to Western, I had never thought critically about how my adoption impacted my life. Attending college and talking with fellow adoptees about how our experiences were growing up helped me really begin to understand how being adopted has shaped me. This newfound awareness and curiosity led me to start asking my mom more questions about what it was like raising me as an adoptee, allowing me to gain new insight. Iris’s thoughts: Thinking back about my own experience, I wish my parents had started the discussion with me about my adoption story maybe as early as 8 or 9. I think if they had continued encouraging me to ask questions as I got older, I might have identified more with my adoptee self growing up. It wasn’t until much later in my life (my college years), that I felt comfortable asking about my adoption and even to this day, I sometimes still don’t know how to approach the subject. Another thing I think is extremely important to transracial adoptees is the opportunity to be immersed in their birth culture. I definitely understand that the opportunities for this can be extremely limited due to many factors. Personally, I wish I had been able to learn more about my Chinese culture and thus felt more connected to my Chinese heritage. I want to point out that when I was younger, I did learn Mandarin and attended a few Chinese cultural summer camps. Unfortunately, as I got older, those cultural related activities ended due to other interests and sadly this has resulted in me feeling as though I lost connection with my heritage. Today, I am looking for ways to reconnect with my culture and embrace my Chinese identity by trying to attend Western’s Chinese Student Association meetings and events. On a more positive note, I will say that my parents made quite an effort to stay in contact with the two other families who adopted girls from the same orphanage as me. While we would all have annual reunions near our adoption or “gotcha day”, it didn’t really feel like enough time with each other. The two other girls both lived in the Seattle area and due to schedules it was really hard to see each other more than once or twice a year. In reality, I feel like we are not super close, however I do value their friendships and maybe as we get older we will find our way back to each other. Our thoughts: Something both of us have greatly appreciated was being able to watch old videos of our initial adoption and look at photos of our young lives. Saige thinks these small, yet powerful opportunities helped her to normalize the whole process. She was able to understood how her family came together and this understanding translated into confidence when meeting other children. In spite of this, even with the videos and pictures, Saige wonders what questions she would have asked her mother if she had more knowledge about her adoption growing up. Likewise, Iris is so grateful for all of the photos and videos her parents took to document her early life story because everything up until when she was adopted is unknown. Coming to college and trying to figure out her identity has made her more curious to learn about her past. Iris is extremely fortunate to have the opportunity and resources to try and start this process of self discovery. Through this senior project of creating a resource for parents, families and fellow adoptees, we both been able to begin the process of unpacking their adoptee experiences in deeper ways than we have before. This is what we found... One study we read was called, The Adoption Triangle Revisited and it is based on research done about open discussions between adoptees and their adoptive parents. From this we learned that “there was a strong relationship between how close the adopted person felt towards their adoptive parents and how openly the subject of adoption was discussed” (Triseliotis et al. 3). Additionally, it seems to follow that the more an adoptee could talk about their adoption and ask questions increased an adoptee’s “sense of belonging and identity, and feeling more complete as a person” (Triseliotis et al. 3). One of the main reasons for not talking about adoption with children was because the child was not the initiator so the parent(s) did not think there was a need, and even when questions were answered, there were still adoptees who “felt uncomfortable and awkward talking to their parents...because they were concerned that asking questions might upset them” (Triseliotis et al. 4). Another great resource we found was a book called, Talking with Young Children about Adoption by Mary Watkins and Susan Fisher. While it is a little dated, the information is quite insightful and there were many anecdotal examples that supported the text. The first quote that we wanted to share was simply, “Talking about adoption is no different from talking about other important issues parents and children live through together” (Watkins and Fisher 7). Adoption is a reality adoptive families live, therefore parents and children alike should feel able to express their feelings and thoughts openly with one another. The question is how can families create this openness? Watkins and Fisher explain that in order to begin the open dialogue, a “comfortable, accepting atmosphere”, including in-between spaces for wonderings about adoption must be in-place, and parents should try to answer questions that are meaningful to their child (Watkins and Fisher 57). That seems simple enough, however, this may be difficult as children might struggle to communicate what they want to ask. Therefore, parents can help their children articulate their questions, while “refraining from projecting an adult way of understanding onto them or from overwhelming them with a parent’s agenda of what should be discussed and understood” (Watkins and Fisher 57-58). While conversations about a one’s adoption may seem too mature for children, the authors remind us that “most young children are remarkably adept at abandoning a conversation when they have gotten what they need or can handle”, so parents shouldn’t be afraid to talk about adoption with their children (Watkins and Fisher 58). Once again, it is mentioned that understanding one’s adoption is an “integral part of understanding oneself” (Watkins and Fisher 58). Now for the topic of cultural space and cultural identity, Iris learned a new term called the transracial adoption paradox. Dwyer and Gidluck describe it as, “living in between two worlds: ‘[She] can't live on the White side and she can't live on the Chinese side’. Children were viewed as White by some people in the Asian community and were viewed as Asian by the White majority” (Dwyer and Gidluck 68). This is something we have both experienced at some point in our lives and so what can we do about this? Well, we have learned that many adoptees struggle with identifying with their adopted culture while still trying to connect to their birth culture. Another term that may help us unpack this challenge is something Baden, Treweeke and Ahluwalia call this reculturation which is the “process by which adult adoptees have cultural losses and gains. This construct also aids in understanding how individuals must assimilate when they are adopted and how they may make the choice, conscious or unconscious, to reclaim their birth culture at some point in their lives” (Baden et al. 12). In summary, the best way to help adoptees construct their cultural identity is by allowing them to connect with their birth culture and ethnic cultural heritage, and be a “bridge to the culture your child needs to be a part of” and allow children to “negotiate the space in between the two cultures by exploring the space as a place of possibilities, not of limitations and constraints” (Dwyer and Gidluck 68). There has been much research on this topic and it is called “racial socialization.” This is discussed more in-depth in the blog post “The Value of Having a Community.” What is emphasized repeatedly in studies is how important it is for adoptive parents to socialize themselves with a child’s birth culture and to have those discussions about race with their child. Exposing an adoptee to their birth culture, often through various support groups or events, can have long-term beneficial impacts on the adoptees’ self-identity. Finally, it was difficult to find any research about adoptive parents sharing videos and/or photos with their children that depict their children’s adoption and early years. Nonetheless, as we have both mentioned from personal experience, we have both greatly appreciated being able to see ourselves growing up and surrounded by families who love us. Seeing ourselves with our families has helped us understand what it means to be part of a family and that all families matter. Ultimately, not knowing about one’s past can make it difficult to accept one’s identity, but by engaging in open dialogue with parents, exploring birth and adopted cultural spaces, and by being grounded in what is known such as seeing one’s physical self in digital or print documentation, adoptees will believe that they are valued and loved. In the end, adoptees’ identities will continue to be shaped and changed throughout their lives. *Helpful charts explaining the concept of reculturation as described by Baden, Treweeke and Ahluwalia have been provided. They show three approaches as well as outcomes of the reculturation process and here is the link the Asian Adult Adoptees of Washington Website: http://aaawashington.org/?fbclid=IwAR2KEsgt2Tkdmbu85jwF4B426Qy-9bHkq5a-aCWE7hYtqYuEP4VLKSGjfB0 Sources: Baden, Amanda L., et al. “Reclaiming Culture: Reculturation of Transracial and International Adoptees.” Journal of Counseling & Development, vol. 90, no. 4, 2012, pp. 387–399., doi:10.1002/j.1556-6676.2012.00049.x. Dwyer, Sonya Corbin, and Lynn Gidluck. “Talking about Adoption: Considerations for Multicultural Counsellors When Working with Transracial Families.” Asia Pacific Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, vol. 3, no. 1, 2012, pp. 61–71., doi:10.1080/21507686.2011.633214. Triseliotis, John, et al. “The Adoption Triangle Revisited: A Study of Adoption, Search and Reunion Experiences Summary.” The Adoption Triangle Revisited: A Study of Adoption, Search and Reunion Experiences Summary, British Association for Adoption and Fostering, 2005, www.researchgate.net/publication/265047307_The_Adoption_Triangle_Revisited/download. Watkins, Mary, and Susan M Fisher. Talking with Young Children about Adoption. Yale University Press, 1993. By: Saige Wilde “How did I get here Dad? Where did I come from?” Po, Kung Fu Panda I was adopted from China as an infant and have had the opportunity to return three separate times. The first time was while I was in elementary school during spring break, where a group of families went on a tour of Beijing, Xi’an, and Shanghai. The second time I went to China was in middle school on a class trip. We were in the Suzhou area for about two weeks and even spent time living with host families. The third time was the summer of my sophomore year of college, for a study abroad program in Shanghai. Each time I have been back to China has been a pivotal time for me, helping my confidence to grow and to understand myself more.
I studied Chinese in elementary school and visiting China for the first time opened my eyes to the value of being able to speak another language. Spending everyday in class, writing new vocabulary words over and over, it was hard to visualize how it was helpful. However, being in China and having the ability to communicate with Chinese citizens allowed me to build my confidence in my language skills and connect with my birth country. It also motivated me to continue studying the language and I believe it is why I continued to study Chinese in college. That trip was the first time I was really exposed to Chinese culture and it was amazing to be able to experience it. I knew that everything I was seeing was a part of who I am and where I came from and it was beyond exciting to witness. I remember feeling a lot of joy being in China, like a part of me was home. Traveling to China in middle school was a completely different experience, especially being there without a parent. It was also very difficult because I experienced homesickness and was really pushed outside my comfort zone. However, it showed me that I was capable of getting through difficult times on my own. That trip allowed me to experience China in a different way than doing a guided tour. We were reliant on ourselves to get around, particularly since my group’s chaperone could not speak any Chinese! We visited a welfare home while in Suzhou. From what I recall, the majority of the children were not orphans, but instead had various disabilities that their parents were unable to care for and were living in the welfare home. It was a unique experience, to witness something like that at a fairly young age and having a personal connection to the matter. I distanced myself from the experience, telling myself that their lives were not entirely like mine, but it revealed to me what my life could have been like and I felt very appreciative of the life that I live. That trip was life-changing for me because it opened my eyes to so many different things; while some parts were challenging, the lessons I learned about myself are unforgettable. I was very nervous to go to China for my study abroad trip in college. It had been years since I had been there; I was unsure of my language abilities and had concerns about being in a huge city on my own. I was with a group of fellow students in the program and we had a program director assist us around for a couple of days, guiding us around the university we were attending and the neighborhood we were living in, but were left on our own for the rest of the trip. I took advantage of this to take various trips around the city on my own. I remember one significant moment that I will never forget for the rest of my life. I was sitting on the subway headed back to my apartment, and just looked around me. It hit me that every other person around me looked like me and probably didn’t even notice me, I just blended right in. It was such a powerful moment because that is something that does not happen to me in the United States. Wherever I go, eating at a restaurant or sitting in my classes, I often feel like I do not fit it. While I have grown up in a very liberal area, it is still heavily white, and I am constantly wondering if people are noticing me and because I look different. I notice myself looking around to see if I can find someone who looks like me and I wonder if people are going to stare or make comments about me. Whether or not it is rational, it is something that I always feel. Sitting on that subway was so nice, it was such an unfamiliar experience to feel like I belonged. I felt at ease in a way I had never felt before. One thing that I think really impacted my trips and the reason that they are so impactful to my life is the fact that I can speak Chinese. Not only did the trips help me to improve my Chinese and give me more confidence in speaking the language, it allowed me to connect with more people. I was able to immerse myself more deeply in the culture because I could understand what was around me. At times it was overwhelming to be in a country that is so different than America, but I never felt lost or alone. I knew that I could confidently make my way around which made my experiences that much more meaningful. My mother and I plan to return to China this year, as part of a larger trip through multiple countries. We will be in the country for about a week and a half and plan to go to my hometown and to see my orphanage. I am very realistic and do not have high expectations about finding a lead and reconnecting with my birth family, because that is not something I feel the need to do. I am looking forward to learning more about the city I am from and to see where I spent the first year of my life. Being in China is such a special experience for me and I am excited to return to the country. This is what I found… There has not been any formal research done on what kind of effect returning to a birth country has on an adoptee. However, there are many resources available to help you decide if and when is the right time to go back. Trips to a birth country can be approached in different ways, from simply seeing the country and culture as a heritage trip to going back and visiting the orphanage or town where the adoptee is from. The most important step in preparing for a trip to an adoptee’s birth country according to various psychologists and therapists is to set clear expectations for what the trip will be. The adoptee’s expectations for the trip will have the biggest impact on their experience once they arrive. Judy Stigger, a post-adoption therapist, wrote about planning a visit to a birth country on an adoption agency’s website. She said it is important to “Ask your child what [they] want to do while in the country and listen carefully to [their] answers.” It is helpful to understand what the adoptee expects will happen and to prepare them for various scenarios that can occur, as the culture in a birth country is different than the culture in the U.S. Dr. Rebecca Nelson, who is a child psychologist, stated in an article on the RainbowKids website, a resource center for adopted families, that is important to support identity continuity in an adoptee. This is explained as creating a link between an adoptee’s current life and the life before they were adopted, which can be done by openly discussing the adoption process or explaining where the adoptee came from. This can be important because “For many adoptees looking backwards in their history, it is as if their existence began at the time of adoption” and going back to a birth country can bring up a lot of questions. There is no single approach to what a trip to a birth country will be like for an adoptee. What you do and how old the adoptee is, what their expectations and understandings of where they are going all play a role in what their experience is like. I am very fortunate to have had multiple positive experiences visiting my birth country and it helped me to become more comfortable in my identity. Articles referenced: Nelson, Rebecca. “Emotional Preparation for a Birth Country Visit.” RainbowKids.com, RainbowKids Adoption & Child Welfare Agency, 5 Dec. 2017, www.rainbowkids.com/adoption-stories/emotional-preparation-for-a-birth-country-visit-2105. Stigger, Judy. “Planning a Homeland Visit: A Professional’s Perspective.” The Cradle, 12 May 2016, www.cradle.org/blog/planning-homeland-visit-professional’s-perspective. By: Iris Hubbard Do what you want to do. |
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February 2019
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