By: Saige Wilde “How did I get here Dad? Where did I come from?” Po, Kung Fu Panda I was adopted from China as an infant and have had the opportunity to return three separate times. The first time was while I was in elementary school during spring break, where a group of families went on a tour of Beijing, Xi’an, and Shanghai. The second time I went to China was in middle school on a class trip. We were in the Suzhou area for about two weeks and even spent time living with host families. The third time was the summer of my sophomore year of college, for a study abroad program in Shanghai. Each time I have been back to China has been a pivotal time for me, helping my confidence to grow and to understand myself more.
I studied Chinese in elementary school and visiting China for the first time opened my eyes to the value of being able to speak another language. Spending everyday in class, writing new vocabulary words over and over, it was hard to visualize how it was helpful. However, being in China and having the ability to communicate with Chinese citizens allowed me to build my confidence in my language skills and connect with my birth country. It also motivated me to continue studying the language and I believe it is why I continued to study Chinese in college. That trip was the first time I was really exposed to Chinese culture and it was amazing to be able to experience it. I knew that everything I was seeing was a part of who I am and where I came from and it was beyond exciting to witness. I remember feeling a lot of joy being in China, like a part of me was home. Traveling to China in middle school was a completely different experience, especially being there without a parent. It was also very difficult because I experienced homesickness and was really pushed outside my comfort zone. However, it showed me that I was capable of getting through difficult times on my own. That trip allowed me to experience China in a different way than doing a guided tour. We were reliant on ourselves to get around, particularly since my group’s chaperone could not speak any Chinese! We visited a welfare home while in Suzhou. From what I recall, the majority of the children were not orphans, but instead had various disabilities that their parents were unable to care for and were living in the welfare home. It was a unique experience, to witness something like that at a fairly young age and having a personal connection to the matter. I distanced myself from the experience, telling myself that their lives were not entirely like mine, but it revealed to me what my life could have been like and I felt very appreciative of the life that I live. That trip was life-changing for me because it opened my eyes to so many different things; while some parts were challenging, the lessons I learned about myself are unforgettable. I was very nervous to go to China for my study abroad trip in college. It had been years since I had been there; I was unsure of my language abilities and had concerns about being in a huge city on my own. I was with a group of fellow students in the program and we had a program director assist us around for a couple of days, guiding us around the university we were attending and the neighborhood we were living in, but were left on our own for the rest of the trip. I took advantage of this to take various trips around the city on my own. I remember one significant moment that I will never forget for the rest of my life. I was sitting on the subway headed back to my apartment, and just looked around me. It hit me that every other person around me looked like me and probably didn’t even notice me, I just blended right in. It was such a powerful moment because that is something that does not happen to me in the United States. Wherever I go, eating at a restaurant or sitting in my classes, I often feel like I do not fit it. While I have grown up in a very liberal area, it is still heavily white, and I am constantly wondering if people are noticing me and because I look different. I notice myself looking around to see if I can find someone who looks like me and I wonder if people are going to stare or make comments about me. Whether or not it is rational, it is something that I always feel. Sitting on that subway was so nice, it was such an unfamiliar experience to feel like I belonged. I felt at ease in a way I had never felt before. One thing that I think really impacted my trips and the reason that they are so impactful to my life is the fact that I can speak Chinese. Not only did the trips help me to improve my Chinese and give me more confidence in speaking the language, it allowed me to connect with more people. I was able to immerse myself more deeply in the culture because I could understand what was around me. At times it was overwhelming to be in a country that is so different than America, but I never felt lost or alone. I knew that I could confidently make my way around which made my experiences that much more meaningful. My mother and I plan to return to China this year, as part of a larger trip through multiple countries. We will be in the country for about a week and a half and plan to go to my hometown and to see my orphanage. I am very realistic and do not have high expectations about finding a lead and reconnecting with my birth family, because that is not something I feel the need to do. I am looking forward to learning more about the city I am from and to see where I spent the first year of my life. Being in China is such a special experience for me and I am excited to return to the country. This is what I found… There has not been any formal research done on what kind of effect returning to a birth country has on an adoptee. However, there are many resources available to help you decide if and when is the right time to go back. Trips to a birth country can be approached in different ways, from simply seeing the country and culture as a heritage trip to going back and visiting the orphanage or town where the adoptee is from. The most important step in preparing for a trip to an adoptee’s birth country according to various psychologists and therapists is to set clear expectations for what the trip will be. The adoptee’s expectations for the trip will have the biggest impact on their experience once they arrive. Judy Stigger, a post-adoption therapist, wrote about planning a visit to a birth country on an adoption agency’s website. She said it is important to “Ask your child what [they] want to do while in the country and listen carefully to [their] answers.” It is helpful to understand what the adoptee expects will happen and to prepare them for various scenarios that can occur, as the culture in a birth country is different than the culture in the U.S. Dr. Rebecca Nelson, who is a child psychologist, stated in an article on the RainbowKids website, a resource center for adopted families, that is important to support identity continuity in an adoptee. This is explained as creating a link between an adoptee’s current life and the life before they were adopted, which can be done by openly discussing the adoption process or explaining where the adoptee came from. This can be important because “For many adoptees looking backwards in their history, it is as if their existence began at the time of adoption” and going back to a birth country can bring up a lot of questions. There is no single approach to what a trip to a birth country will be like for an adoptee. What you do and how old the adoptee is, what their expectations and understandings of where they are going all play a role in what their experience is like. I am very fortunate to have had multiple positive experiences visiting my birth country and it helped me to become more comfortable in my identity. Articles referenced: Nelson, Rebecca. “Emotional Preparation for a Birth Country Visit.” RainbowKids.com, RainbowKids Adoption & Child Welfare Agency, 5 Dec. 2017, www.rainbowkids.com/adoption-stories/emotional-preparation-for-a-birth-country-visit-2105. Stigger, Judy. “Planning a Homeland Visit: A Professional’s Perspective.” The Cradle, 12 May 2016, www.cradle.org/blog/planning-homeland-visit-professional’s-perspective.
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By: Iris Hubbard Do what you want to do. |
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